There are countless moments in Pakistan’s political history that make us ROFLMFAO.
Remember that time when the chief minister of Baluchistan, Nawaz Aslam Raisani said, “degree degree hoti hai, asli ho ya jaali“? Yup, #NeverForget . Here’s a stroll down the weird memory lane that is Pakistani politics.
1. That time Shahbaz Sharif was captured on video encouraging a raucous crowd to keep chanting “Go Nawaz Go”. Honest mistake or biggest dhoka of the year?
Imagine the scene: Big Brother Nawaz Sharif’s speech interrupted by a boisterous crowd chanting the popular “Go Nawaz Go” slogan. Camera zooms out, then moves right, and there’s Chota Bruv Shahbaz, signalling to the crowd to keep chanting, egging them on, even stealing a quick glance at the podium to make sure Big Sharif isn’t watching. Way to break a brother’s heart dude….
2. Degree Degree hoti hai
Yup, he’s the chief minister who made his secretary health drink polio drops in front of a room full of media as if it were apple juice. The message he meant to send was simple: polio drops are polio drops, whether the recipient is a needy child or a perfectly healthy bureaucrat. Which reminds us of something else he famously said about a degree: “Degree degree hoti hai, asli ho ya jaali.” You light up our lives, CM, and we miss your gaffes. Can you please be CM again soon?
3.The Kiss of Life
Known for publicly showering Nawaz Sharif with kisses back in the day when they both had the same boss (you know who, ahem), Sheikh Rashid didn’t seem too pleased when an exuberant worker planted a Big Fat One on his cheek in a moment of euphoria after the Supreme Court disqualified PM Nawaz Sharif from office in the Panama Leaks case. Come on Sheikh sahib: don’t dish it out if you can’t take it yourself!
4. Sheryar Afridi gets some TLC
Earlier this year, pandemonium broke out in the National Assembly and legislators from the ruling Pakistan Muslim League and the opposition Pakistan Tehreek-i-Insaf came to blows. The only good thing to come out of it was that Shaharyar Afridi got slapped. I mean, don’t get us wrong, we don’t condone violence and Mr Afridi is surely a real stand up guy. But had anyone ever even heard of him before this slap? That slap put him on the map to be honest. In the words of our favourite SRK: “Kabhi kabhi kuch jeetnay kay leye kuch haarna bhi parta hai, aur haar kay jeetnay walay ko baazigar kehtay hain.”
5. Mamnoon Hussain Who?
Up until March 2016, most Pakistanis believed that our president was a myth, something like the Loch Ness monster, the giant Kraken or the seven-headed Leviathan. But the myth was thankfully shattered when a human figure we were told was the president of Pakistan rode on a horse-drawn carriage as part of the Pakistan Day parade last year. Yes, he exists. What a relief?
6. Who let the pants down?!
Can you call a wardrobe malfunction an explosion? In this case, yes. Imagine you’re the chief justice of the country and you’re about to hug someone when your pants, literally, explode? Yes, it happened to His Honour Abdul Hameed Dogar. We want to feel sorry for Justice Dogar but to be honest, it’s just a small price to pay for backing a dictator (General Pervez Musharraf), dismissing the senior judiciary and supporting the imposition of state of emergency in the country in 2007.
7. Marvi Memon burning the car floor
Just when you think you have seen it all, someone, somewhere in Pakistan will always surprise you. After Nawaz Sharif’s GT Road Rally left Punjab House in Islamabad for Lahore, Marvi Memon got on the roof of a car and showed us how it’s really done! Chanting the word “shair” (lion), waving her hands and even gyrating her hips, Ms Memon really got the party started. Our favorite moment was when she threw possibly the world’s sorriest-looking, scraggiest lion stuffed toy into the crowd. Now if only she took her job running the Benazir Income Support Fund that seriously…
8. Broken stage got nothing on me
Former Prime Minister Yousuz Raza Gilani just can’t seem to catch a break, right? First he gets thrown out of the PM’s office simply for following his boss’s orders and then when’s he’s trying to tell some lawyers about democracy, the stage collapses and he’s almost buried alive? Come on, not fair. We smell dhaandli.
9. THAT Phenomenon Known as Altaf Bhai
From Edgeware Sharif in Londonistan, tum sab ko Altaf Hussain ka salam, salam, salam, salam, salam! People always blame him for everything going wrong in Karachi but what wrong could he possibly do sitting so far away? Get with the programme. Bhatta khoori is just another system of taxation. Enough said.