Ah, well! Where do I start? Honestly, this is a little confusing for me. I used to be a smart kid. The kind everyone enjoyed talking to. The one who always had a prompt answer for everything. The one who NEVER asked dumb questions. Life was good. Then one day, I switched on a television set. A strange advertisement caught my eye.
And, everything changed!
I started asking dumb questions. It was like a nightmare come true for my parents! They had never been more embarrassed. People started avoiding me.
My ‘advertisement balderdash’ was making them uneasy.
I became the stupid kid overnight and there was no going back. To this day, I continue to be known as the stupid one.
However, every now and then, I run into similar advertisements on social media, TV, or in the newspaper. They give mini-seizures, and I start to blurt out all the dumb questions in my head. Today is one of those days! So let’s dive right into it, shall we? Here are eight advertisements that insulted my intelligence quotient.
1) Hardee’s and their irresistible menu
So, not very long ago, I felt quite ravenous and thought I’d go grab a bite! The first place to pop up in my mind: Hardee’s! They do have an interesting menu.
It looked delicious. I was really enticed! I asked a friend if he ever had these ‘raunchy wings of desire’?
That was the last time I ever spoke to him. Oh, well!
I know. Then I asked for a burger. But did the burger ask for this??
Anyways, the carefully planned ad campaign by Hardee’s made me lose my appetite, somehow.
2) Then, there is this ‘medicated’ soap:
Legend has it that the medicated soap was certified by Dr. ‘Firangi’ after 100 years of research. It can kill all kinds of germs, single-handedly!
It is rumored to have surfaced time and time again over the decades, but no one knows where it is now. Although, there have been many imposters! Every soap claims to be IT!
I don’t understand. Is this the medicated soap?
‘Mail’? ‘Paseena’? Are those guys supposed to be germs? If so, does that mean the lady is all covered in ‘Mail‘ and ‘Paseena‘? Ewww!
Doesn’t that imply she is the one who should have been thrown into the tube-well as well?
3) Speaking of cleanliness, let’s turn to this prime time favorite, Harpic advertisement:
Judge me all you like. But if Faisal ever turns up at my door trying to poke his tongue in his nostrils, I will slam the door in his face. Also, it’s disturbing how he knew exactly where the toilet was located. Creepy!
By the way, how did they know I love looking at those dirty toilet U-bends, especially when I am eating? They ALWAYS run the ad for me at dinner time. Thank you very much!
4) Phone service ads certainly take the cake in confusing the inquisitive child in me:
For a happy moment, I thought Nargis Fakhri was visiting me! Yes, that’s how enormous the ad was. Disappointed, I picked up the paper and looked at it.
Left to right.
Right to left.
The product was hard to spot. What was Mobilink trying to ‘sell’ exactly? I gave up. Ufone was kind enough to explain the concept later. But I still went for Mobilink.
5) As if Hardees wasn’t enough, Johhny and Jugnu came along with this mind-boggling advert:
Did you see that?!!
The snake charmers conjured up burgers and turned into “modern folks” after eating them. Magic!
This ad really did change my life. I haven’t been to Johnny & Jugnu ever since.
6) Now let’s turn towards this Astaghfar inducing ‘Josh’ condoms ad:
Hmm! I thought it was a product advertisement for family planning and safe sexual intercourse. Silly me!
But I figured it out later, all by myself! Josh condom works in magnificent ways. All you have to do is to replace your wife with a supermodel in your head. And BAM! Family planned!
So appropriate and respectful, don’t you think?
7) Then, of course, there is this stereotype conforming, ‘Fair and Lovely’ advertisement:
Pakistani women are so unsuccessful! You know, because of their brown skin and all? They cannot even defend their basic rights. It is about time that they took a stand for themselves. The secret lies in how well their face deflects light! It temporarily blinds the opponent. He is rendered speechless for a while. And THAT gives you 2 minutes tops to make your point. There! Win-win!
8) Anyways, here comes the worst one of all:
I have a passion for photography and, therefore, I am always looking for better lenses. One day, I stumbled upon an online shopping store that displayed branded cameras and lenses in its advertisement. The price was unbelievably affordable. Of course, I clicked it open, drooling simultaneously.
The page took ages to load and what I saw next was very troublesome.
I had been insulted once again!
I couldn’t sleep for days. How stupid of me! All my life, I had been searching for the perfect camera. When I should have actually been looking for a Spy Pen! It is not expensive. It is definitely lighter! And I can wave it around like a wand. *sighs*
That is all for now. I could go on for days about such advertisements, but there are some people dancing around in circles on the TV currently that I must look into. Something about a biscuit, I think. Does the dance routine help in digestion??