Female colleagues, friends and family members were taken by surprise on Monday when Hamza Ali Abbasi refused to come closer than 2.5 feet of them – a fact that made any real interaction with him highly difficult. In keeping with his recent tweets, and tired of being called an hypocrite for photo shoots where he is seen  suggestively hugging other women,  the veteran actor has decide to impose this strict regime on himself. “I will show everyone how problems of harassment can be avoided if we all maintain  gap between the genders.”

While the strategy seemed to work at first, eyewitnesses report that problems started emerging as soon as he moved away from the open road into enclosed spaces. Elevators became impossible to navigate and social interaction became a nightmare as the actor was forced to carry a measure tape around with him at all times to ensure that he was exactly 2.5 feet away from any female at all times. As expected, acting opportunities have dried up for the otherwise popular figure, as almost all TV shows and movies contain normal, everyday interactions between men and women. “I am eagerly awaiting for a Pakistan adaptation of The Old Man And The Sea” Mr Abbasi informed PG news “as that story only contains one man, one whale and the endless sea”.

In a big blow to the actor, sources inform us that Fawad Khan is being considered for the role instead.

The problems did not end there. His absence form TV has been due to a lack of gap between men and women in the industry. Sources say he threw a tantrum at LSA 2018 when he refused to sit close to so many women.

Recently he refused to board a flight because there were women sitting next to him. The Airline accommodated him by putting him in the cargo compartment. Later the flight attendant stated that he just kept ranting gap karein, dekhein aur gender gap, gap karein, until women got off the plane. A young man complained that Mr. Abbasi forced him to change seats too because he was sitting too close to another female passenger. Mr. Abbasi believes that boys will be boys, you can’t change them. So the practical solution is to create more gender gap.

“Dekhein jee! I am not saying this, it was said 1400 years ago. I have centuries of progress to undo. Modernism is a propaganda and I am going to fix it. The world is upside down. We don’t need to bridge gender gap, if anything we need wider gap.”

When confronted by a well-informed woman that Islam doesn’t preach gender gap. Witnesses say that the speechless Hamza Ali Abbasi was seen screaming gap, more gap, I need gap and running away. He later said if there was more gap this would have never happened.

According to him modernism has burred lines between good old flirting and harassment. How can one know where is the line? We need safe distance lines. Though he failed to elaborate on how the lines can be less blurry on the standards of ‘the gap’. How will we measure the gap? Some are wondering if he refers to the celestial gap that will send women into another dimension.


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