Suleman woke up at 8 am to the usual loud bell by ‘Baji Rakshanda’, the house maid. As Suleman cursed the maid and gasped his first yawn, something dawned on him: it was 2019! A new year, or as some might say: the dawn of a new year. But Suleman didn’t feel any different. This year Suleman didn’t even make any resolutions, though he claims that was a choice based on principal.

Suleman rang in the new year with the GEO New Year Special Report! And despite all his efforts to satisfy his inner zen Buddha that the new year is so much more than just a wild fun evening, it was infact a miserable somber evening.

In an exclusive interview with ProperGaanda, Suleman confessed he is the same pile of shit he was before the new year began.

“I’m the same pile of shit, I was before, like literally zero difference,” exclaimed 32 year old Suleman

But Suleman still remains hopeful; he says he has found a bunch of studies online which claim that like him, most people are a pile of shit and it’s all because of capitalism. “I feel much more relaxed now,” reiterated Suleman.

After the shoot, the cameraman inquired from the interviewer whether Suleman is truly is a piece of shit.

“Suleman is definitely a piece of shit, I have no doubt in my mind,” the news anchor replied.

A very happy new year to all the miserable souls reading this today.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *