The Questions We Forget to Ask New Mothers
When a baby is born, the first questions people ask are almost always about the child.
“Is the baby feeding well?”
“Is the baby sleeping?”
“Has the baby gained weight?”
These are the right questions. But another deserves equal attention, and it is asked far less often:
“How is the mother?”
The weeks after childbirth are a period of intense physical, emotional, and social change. While recovering from pregnancy and delivery, many women are also adapting to new responsibilities and navigating the expectations of family and society. For some women, the transition is overwhelming.
A 2024 systematic review and meta-analysis by Padhani and colleagues found that about 34% of mothers in Pakistan experience postnatal depression at 3 months after childbirth.
Research in Pakistan shows how hard this period can be. Mothers experiencing postnatal anxiety describe worry, self-doubt, emotional exhaustion, and pressure to meet expectations while caring for a newborn and managing their other responsibilities. They identify limited support, financial stress, and fears about their babies’ wellbeing as major sources of distress.
“After delivery, healthcare providers and family members kept asking me about my baby, but no one asked anything about my health. It felt lonely to not be cared for.” – Anonymous Mother.
These experiences show that maternal wellbeing extends beyond physical recovery. They also show that mothers are not simply asking for sympathy, they are asking to be heard, understood, and supported.
Postnatal anxiety and depression are health conditions that can affect a mother’s wellbeing, relationships, confidence, and daily functioning. They are not a sign of weakness, yet many women hesitate to seek support for fear of stigma or judgement. Many do not recognise the symptoms in themselves at all.
This is why conversations about mental health should become a routine part of postnatal care. Health care providers can often identify concerns early by asking simple but important questions about a mother’s emotional wellbeing, sleep, support systems, and day-to-day challenges.
But screening alone is not enough. It identifies women who may need support; it does not support them. Women who say they are struggling need access to counselling, assessment, clear referral pathways, and follow-up care. Integrating mental health services into existing maternal and child health programmes can help ensure that support is accessible and reduce barriers to care. In Pakistan, mental health services can be integrated into post-partum and post-natal clinics where women and newborns go for follow-up after discharge.
Supporting mothers is a shared responsibility. Families, partners, communities, and health care providers all play an important role in helping women navigate the postpartum period. Practical support, understanding, and open conversations make a real difference.
Sometimes the most important intervention is also the simplest: creating space for a mother to speak honestly about how she is feeling and ensuring that someone is there to listen.
Pakistan has invested in newborn survival, breastfeeding promotion, immunization, nutrition, and early childhood development. These efforts are essential. But child health and maternal health are deeply interconnected.
A mother who is supported physically, emotionally and socially is better able to care for herself and her child. Maternal mental health is therefore not separate from maternal and child health; it is an integral part of both.
As Pakistan strengthens care for mothers and newborns, postnatal care must reflect the realities of women’s lives and the challenges they face during this transition.
Because behind every newborn is a mother going through one of the most significant changes of her life.
So alongside asking how the baby is doing, we should remember to ask her:
“How are you?”
And most importantly, take the time to listen to the answer.
Dr Sidrah Nausheen is Vice Chair and Associate Professor at the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the Aga Khan University
