November 18, 2021

“Bakwas band kerou,” says Sheikh Rasheed to Hareem Shah

What happened: The renowned TikToker, Hareem Shah, is once again in the limelight for prank calling the Interior Minister Sheikh Rasheed during Tabish Hashmi’s comedy show. The show host revealed that Hareem had saved the minister’s number as “Sheikhoo,” in her mobile phone. Tabish, in the snippet released by the YouTube channel, said, “Appkou lgta […]

October 28, 2021

Government decides to honor Dr. AQ Khan, by a building and road after his name

Details: Several reports suggest that the federal government has directed CDA (Capital Development Authority) to name a road and building after the late Dr. Abdul Qadeer Khan. The federal cabinet has directed the CDA to name a prominent building after the father of Pakistan’s nuclear program, to mark his contributions to the country. Also: At […]

July 26, 2021

Sajid Sadapara finally found his father’s dead body- A legend that was missing.

What happened: Muhammad Ali Sadpara, along with three mountaineers were last seen on 5th February 2020, in an attempt to lay foot on the unforgiving summit. Ali sadpara’s dead body has been found. What’s happening now: Last seen on 5th February 2020, the unspoken gem of Pakistan is found, the dead body, unfortunately. Not by the […]

January 20, 2021

Dear Dada, it’s not the same anymore

Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire. Follow the author, H. Ghaznavi here on Twitter. Dear Dada, It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. In the current scheme of things it seems funny that I should reach out. Magar woh hamari aur wardi kai is anhokay piyar ko kahan samjhay gain. I […]

January 16, 2021

Dear Papa, thora kharcha bhej dain

Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire. Take a joke, it won’t hurt. Dear Papa, How’s your blood pressure? Hope the luxe life of Avenfeild apartments is still keeping you cozy – like a three time Prime Minister of a third world country should be. I haven’t seen your brother so much by the […]

January 11, 2021

Dear Sam, Sadi Bari?

Authors note: The following is a work of satire, keep your pants on will you.The author, Hamza Ghaznavi, can be followed on Twitter at @Hamza_Ghaznavi Dear Sam, It’s been a while since I’ve written to you. I will say you have gone a bit distant with me over the past few years. I don’t blame […]

January 10, 2021

Dear Dad, WTF?

Authors note: The following is a work of satire, keep your pants on will you.The author, Hamza Ghaznavi, can be followed on Twitter at @Hamza_Ghaznavi Dear Dad, WTF? Even Sheru seems to be constantly barking at me these days. I’m sorry, I don’t know if it’s just me but it feels like everyone is hating […]

January 4, 2021

Immi K’s dog writes a letter to his favourite hooman

Note from author: The following is a work of satire, in case the letter-writing-dog didn’t give it away. Try not to take offence. To my hooman Imran, Remember when we used to spend time together at Bani Gala? I’d lay down on the lush grass of the lawn and drool on your feet as you […]

November 14, 2020

Twitter is trolling an Indian right wing netizen for mistaking a Pakistani actor as a real army officer

What happened: It is a well-established fact that Indian right-wing extremists tend to go a bit overboard when it comes to supporting their form of patriotism. In doing so, they sometimes lose sight of reality itself. It’s not a secret that they have developed a strong hold in Indian politics through violence and oppression but  […]

November 7, 2020

One brave soul fighting the good fight, one hash legalisation petition at a time

A veritable champion of the people, Ghulam Asghar Saieen, moved the Sindh High Court, yesterday, to legalise just 10 grams of hash. The Sindh High Court in top form as the resident buzzkills however didn’t even give our champion enough time to properly plead his case. They called him in long enough to scoff at […]

November 5, 2020

This U.S election is giving me serious Pakistan election deja vu

Pakistan and America are old allies with an often tumultuous relationship but never before has the Pakistani public felt so close to the Americans. The current U.S election has shaped up to be strikingly similar to a desi election. The entire cast has been mirrored near perfectly. We have the incumbent who has proven to […]

October 17, 2020

“I’m stressed out,” writes Immi K in a letter to his dad

Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire, learn to take a joke. If this hurts your feelings, please don’t reach out to us. Dear Dad, I know you might be a little stressed out today, so I wanted to reach out. That toad really crossed the line you know, calling you and others names. Honestly, […]

October 9, 2020

Immi K pens a letter to his dad on banning TikTok

Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire, learn to take a joke. If this hurts your feelings, please don’t reach out to us. Dear Dad! Hey hey! Hope all is well. So today they banned TikTok and when I asked, they were like I should speak to you. Lol like why would I need to, […]

October 8, 2020

Immi K pens a letter to his dad, thanking him for all his help

Disclaimer: The following is a work of satire, learn to take a joke. If this hurts your feelings, please don’t reach out to us. Dear Dad, Hope you are well. We couldn’t meet this weekend and you didn’t pick up my call yesterday so I thought I’ll just reach out to you the old traditional […]

December 18, 2019

Malaysia visit may upset God and Bank, PM Khan learns during Umrah

Going to Malaysia might upset God and Bank, PM Khan learns on Umrah. After much controversy Prime Minister Khan took out time and talked to media about not attending the Malaysian summit. “When his highness Prince Bin Salman unexpectedly came to drive me to the airport after I performed my Umrah, I could tell he […]

December 13, 2019

As A Lawyer, Not Having A Heart Helped In Attacking A Hospital With Innocent Patients

As lawyers barged into the Punjab Institute of Cardiology and killed 12 patients, because they were ripped off for 20 rupees, new report suggests the task wasn’t that hard. “As lawyers we are proud to have no hearts, and that also makes it easy for us to attack even hospitals and innocent bed ridden patients,” […]

December 11, 2019

Farhan Virk protests after Prime Minister Imran Khan fails to choose him to lead Digital Pakistan project

Self-styled Khan’s Army General Dr. Farhan Virk, MBBS, PTI, WTF, protested outside the Ministry of Information after Prime Minister Imran Khan selected ex-Google employee Tania Aidrus to lead the Digital Pakistan initiative to improve the country’s digital infrastructure. Virk said in a statement to the press, “I spent five long years of my life getting […]

December 11, 2019

Lahori Socialite hops to 4 parties during the night, gets greeted by the same people every time, every week.

Lahori Socialite hops to 4 parties during the night, gets greeted by the same people every time, every week. Local Socialite from Lahore has been encountering the same group of people at every party, every saturday. After getting fed up, he decided to party hop and he went into 4 different parties and magically every […]

December 10, 2019

“I’ll WhatsApp you my tasbi guy’s number” PM Khan to COAS following Data Darbar visit

In an attempt to get in touch with his spiritual side and possibly get some sort of indication as to what was going to transpire in terms of his future in the capacity he is currently serving in Chief of Army Staff (COAS) General Qamar Bajwa made a trip to Lahore’s Data Darbar, the go […]

November 20, 2019

Fatwa Against Leather Jackets | The Gaanda

From our special Gender Correspondent    A group of religious scholars have issued a fatwa against women wearing leather jackets, after video emerged of a young female student activist chanting slogans while wearing a leather jacket. Mufti Abdullah Haris said, “Leather jackets on women are haraam. I have seen the video seventeen times and I […]

November 20, 2019

All-Male Panels Make Pakistani Women Feel “Safer”

Karachi, November 20: Pakistani women report feeling safer when attending a conference or speaking event in which all the panelists are male. At a recent panel at Mardangi University entitled “Mansplaining Feminism”, in which all four of the speakers were men, women in the audience were asked how they felt not seeing one woman expert […]

November 16, 2019

Hamza Ali Abassi promises to judge film industry severely while only accepting roles to play an alim

Famed actor, PTI celebrity supporter, confused and self proclaimed messiah, Hamza Ali Abaasi, taking que from Kanye West has bid farewell to acting in a video message. But into the 6th minute of the video, the actor takes a slight turn and announces “I don’t want to do any media roles btw, but as an […]

November 8, 2019

Misbah Appoints Himself As The 12th Man For Second Half Of Australian Tour

The current chief selector and coach of Pakistan cricket team announced himself as the 12th man of the team for the second half of the Australian cricket series, in light of Pakistan’s dismal performance. Misbah claims he’s already the Coach and the Chief Selector. “What is one more position going to do?!” exclaimed the ex-Pakistan Cricket team captain. Misbah said it’ll […]

November 8, 2019

Zartaj Gul To Run As A Joke In 2023 General Elections

It’s official, Zartaj will not only be not resigning but she has also cemented her plans to run in 2023 Elections as the official joke of the party. The minister excitedly gave the news through her twitter channel, expressing her appreciation to the party and its supreme leader, Imran Khan. Fawad vs Zartaj Reports suggest [...]
November 8, 2019

New Study Reveals Those Who Wander Are Most Definitely Lost

They say "Not all those who wander are lost" but a new not so baffling study states the opposite. This new study conducted at the top of a local Pub in London claims that most people who wander are in fact lost and in some cases serial killers, pedophiles or peeping toms. All good serial [...]
November 4, 2019

Pakistani Feminists Admit to being Foreign Agents

In a startling development, Pakistani feminists called a press conference at the Karachi Press Cult and admitted to being foreign agents. The feminists said that they had been working against Pakistani values since the beginning of time. “We have always opposed patriarchy, gender inequality, violence against women, and keeping girls out of school. We have […]

November 4, 2019

Man warms up own food for the first time, reports feeling “liberated”

In an unprecedented move, a Pakistani man says he warmed up his own food for the first time in his life and says that he feels “liberated”. Owais Irfan, 38, from Lahore, says that he was always dependent on someone else to give him his dinner when he came home from working as an account […]

shahbaz
October 31, 2019

PML-N Supporters Offer Their Own Spine To Shahbaz Sharif | The Gaanda

After Shahbaz Sharif’s no show from almost everywhere that PML-N might have needed support, reports suggest that Shahbaz Sharif spine may still not be fixed (physically and morally). ProperGaanda has come to learn that it might be because Shahbaz Sharif is always bending over backwards to other people’s wishes and over following of NAB cases, […]

October 31, 2019

Express Tribune Willing To Compromise on Journalism By 15 % For Every 100 Dollars | The Gaanda

Express Tribune after taking cue from other traditional media outlets and firing most of its journalists, are now making further in roads for expansion. One of them is hiring a fresh business school graduate, who is changing the way Tribune looks at advertisements i.e Dollars! “Times are changing, there is no such thing as proper […]

mamnoon
October 31, 2019

Former Pakistan President Mamnoon Hussain’s Life Reported To Be Still Irrelevant | The Gaanda

Ex-President Mamnoon Hussain, who was famously irrelevant in his time as the President of Pakistan, is reported to still be pretty much irrelevant. According to sources, he reminisces the time when at least he was being noted to have a fine taste in Dahi Bhallay. Mamnoon has also reportedly been known to attend nearby school […]

October 31, 2019

Super Woke Activist Shocked To The Core After Finding Out JUI-F Is Not Woke | The Gaanda

A Local Liberal Arts Student and part time Social Media Wokest Person Alive sent out an array of tweets describing her shock at the Azaadi March, when she saw there were only men with sticks in the march. “You know, it’s really shocking, like wtf. These men in beards don’t speak for me or any […]

October 28, 2019

Fresh Lums Graduate Breaks National Record For Mentioning “Lums” 20 Times In A Conversation With A Stranger | The Gaanda

Ali Zar Chusu, a recent LUMS graduate and a part-time shoda has been reported to mention “LUMS” 20 times when talking to a girl at a birthday of his friend’s friend at Bedian.”I really don’t know why he mentioned Lums at all, I was just wondering who this guy is and what the hell he […]

October 28, 2019

7 Years After Graduation, Lahore School of Economics Student Still Thinks He Got Quality Education 

The man who preferred to remain anonymous but yet conveniently shared his picture reportedly still believes Lahore School of Economics (also dubbed as Lahore School for Everyone by some) gave him stellar education. While talking to his best friend, also an LSE graduate told us “We have tried to tell him that LSE’s education was […]

October 28, 2019

Doctor Asks Maulana Fazl ur Rehman To Shave, After Dari Reported To Be Infested With Tinkas | The Gaanda

After the Government, the armed forces and basically most of Maulana’s friend gave him a shutup a call on his planned halloween party, Maulana got another bad news today. His Doctor diagnosed him with Tinkafitus, A rare condition which develops due to lack of cleanliness and honesty. While the Maulana has been told to shave off […]

October 23, 2019

Maulana Fazlul Rehman Wants To Mull Over His Life After He’s Done Mulling Over The Azaadi March

October 23, 2019

Social Media Page Admin Still Thinks He Has A Viable Business

30 year old social media page admin of “Pakistan is the best!” after 7 years, still thinks it’s a viable business! He’s gone to extreme lengths for people to take him seriously. He reportedly has growing a moustache and always has a dress shirt on. Even when it’s bed time.  He’s also fought with most of his […]

October 23, 2019

Latest Survey Reveals, Pakistani Men Enjoy Porn Much More Than Item Numbers And Women Aren’t Pissed Off!

Another survey done on yet another random Internet page reports; Pakistani Men enjoy porn much more than Item numbers and surprisingly it doesn’t piss them off.  The result comes in at a time when nation is gripped with debating Neelam Munir’s Item number for some reason. “Look I don’t condone porn either but men have needs […]

October 23, 2019

Dawn Editor In Chief Says It Deserves Atleast One Pass On Shitty Journalism After All The Bold Stuff They Have Done

A few days ago Dawn News took down the article talking about Jami’s rape accusation against a big media tycoon (Hint Hint: he’s related to Dawn). After lot of hue and cry, Dawn News and its journalists urged the twitteratis and critics alike to not judge on this incident and give them a break. “We […]

October 22, 2019

Bobby Deol’s Career Is Still Reported To Be Dead

October 22, 2019

Imran Khan Urges International Community To Think Of Pakistan As A Donation Box

As the economic crises grows, Pakistani Prime Minister has appealed to Pakistani expats and anyone with money to basically think of Pakistan as charity box where you can put all your charity in. In an interview with CNN, Khan saab said Pakistan is poorer then even some African nations and nobody is giving us charity. “People […]

October 22, 2019

Pakistanis Flock To Their Lawyers As They Confuse Trudeau’s Win To Be An Approval To Their Immigration Applications

Pakistanis, in large numbers, rushed to their lawyers offices’ with their Canadian Immigration Applications as they heard about Trudeau’s win. “My lawyer kept on telling me that Trudeau might not win so apply quickly but then I saw that he won I was like let’s call up our lawyer! His line was continuously busy, so […]

October 22, 2019

Misbah Appoints Himself As The 12th Man For The Upcoming Australian Tour

The current chief selector and coach of Pakistan cricket team, for the sake of doing something even more radical for the upcoming Australian cricket series announced himself as the 12th man of the team. Misbah claims he’s already the Coach and the Chief Selector. “What is one more position going to do?!” exclaimed the ex-Pakistan […]

October 18, 2019

Royal couple reminisces the good old days of Indian slavery on flight back to England

Note from author: The following is a mediocre yet tolerable work of fiction. Hurt feelings will not be entertained. The royal couple was seen kicking back with a glass of wine on the British airliner as it prepared to take off from Pakistan, the smaller and less politically important half of Britain’s former colony, the […]

October 10, 2019

‘The Nation’ Plans on Printing its Newspapers in Army Green Colour

Editors Note: This article is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke – literally. ‘The Nation’ which is one of Pakistan’s oldest running news paper has evolved quite a bit over the past few years. According to the editor in chief (who also happens to be a fan of the current chief) and […]

October 10, 2019

PM Khan Awarded Best Prime Minister Award

A few days after the ex-cricket team captain and current Boy Captain of Pakistan’s birthday, the premier was awarded the Best Prime Minister Award. All PTI Party MNA’s and Major Leadership attended the event. The Army Chief Qamar Bajwa and DG ISPR Major General Asif Ghafoor were also in attendance. The Army Chief signed the trophy being […]

July 28, 2019

The Bold Show Episode 2 – The Aurat Card

The Aurat Card just won’t cut it anymore. There’s a new player on the scene.

June 24, 2019

Bisma Maroof Gets Late For Cricket Match Because Ariel Couldn’t Clean The Dagh

A surprising turn of events showed that Ariel really cannot clean stains! Bisma Maroof, Pakistan’s Cricket team captain, had to miss the latest match because she was too busy trying to get the stain out her clothes. Ariel’s latest ad depicted a detergent powder strong enough to wash stains from our society! However, Ariel has […]

June 14, 2019

ICC Cancels The Cricket World Cup And Gives The Trophy To The Rain

After many matches ended with the rain as the sole victor, the ICC convened an emergency meeting and declared the following: the trophy will be awarded to the rain, for its consistent performance, in contrast to that of the Pakistan Cricket team’s. Unlike the unpredictable performance of the teams, including that of the home team, […]

June 13, 2019

The Joker’s Identity Has Finally Been Revealed And It’s Faisal Vawda

In a surprising turn of events, Faisal Vawda has finally done something of significance. On a talk show today, Faisal Vawda decided to stop hiding behind his plastered mask and revealed his turn identity-THE JOKER. While talking about crime in his home town in Karachi, Faisal decided he had enough of it and said that […]

June 10, 2019

Fawad Chaudry Announces Rate An Imam, A Mobile App Which Would Review Imam’s of Different Masjids

After retirement from the Information Ministry, Fawad Chaudry as Federal Minister for science and technology has already introduced a website and a mobile app, and now their latest invention Rate An Imam! Rate an Imam, let’s you do exactly as the name implies. People after they are done with their prayers and sermons, they can […]

May 29, 2019

Abhinandan Mistakenly Purchases Tickets to the Imran Khan Enclosure

Ahead of the nail biter between India and Pakistan, the tickets for the much anticipated clash has been sold out. Abhinandan the famous chai drinking Indian Airforce Pilot – who crashed inside Pakistan while trying to take a selfie in Pakistan’s part of Kashmir, took a week off to fly to London to watch the […]

May 25, 2019

IMF Loan Much Cheaper Than He Expected Says Advisor Hafeez Shaikh

Adviser to the Prime Minister on Finance, Hafeez Shaikh, on Saturday said that the International Monetary Fund (IMF) loan programme that Pakistan has entered into is going to cost less than most people expected. The adviser on finance acknowledged that the programme was being debated upon heavily in the media as well as by the […]

May 23, 2019

Yahoodi Sazish Is To Blame For Us Not Finding Oil

If you hadn’t heard, offshore drilling at the Kekra-1 site near Karachi has found no reserves of oil and gas, according to an official of the Petroleum Division. This was a big disappointment for the government, as they had expected massive amounts of oil and gas reserves to be found within the region. However, a […]

May 22, 2019

Horoscope For Today—22 May 2019

Your Horoscope is the mirror to your life’s past, present and future. It helps decipher challenges, unlock opportunities and reveal mysteries that is blocking your way to success and peace. Know your Horoscope to be aware of the cosmic alignments in store for you. Let’s look at the stars and see what they have in […]

May 20, 2019

Government Set’s Up Trauma Center To Handle The End Of Game Of Thrones

The end of an era has come, and people are not ready for it. And luckily for us, the government of Pakistan is ready to handle it. All emergency services have been put on high alert for the whole of Monday, to ensure that if people do freak out, the government is ready to handle […]

May 17, 2019

New Study Claims Meme Pages “Very Happy” With What’s Happening In The Country.

A recent study done by an online portal recentstudiesfindingjackshit.com, found that both the demand and supply of memes have increased exponentially over the last two years.  One of the reasons is shear rise in stupidity and idiocaracy on the part of everyone in the country! “Khadim Rizvi and Faisal Vawda both played an instrumental part in this rising meme culture, and now Fawad Chaudry aswell. This government is a perfect meme government” […]

May 15, 2019

The IMF Deal Is Finally Locked Down And It’s Exactly What You’d Think It Would Be

As you all probably know, the International Monetary Fund is bailing Pakistan about of a tough situation. IMF, our savior once again, has decided to be generous enough to give a $6 bailout package, to be disbursed over a span of more than three years. However, unsurprisingly, the IMF has asked for certain policies to […]

May 14, 2019

Asad Umar Has Landed Another Role, Let’s Hope This One Wins Him His First LSA

Asad Umar seems like he’s here to stay. He has landed his first leading role as the “Chairman” in the movie, “National Assembly’s Standing Committee-Finance edition”. Production is set to begin any day now, with complete transparency promised by the Super star. Asad Umar made waves in his debut performance as the “Finance Minister” in […]

May 9, 2019

Fawad Chaudhary Wants To Be The Second Muslim Man To Land On The Moon

After reminding everyone that it was SUPARCO that sent the Hubble to the moon, Fawad Chaudhry cannot wait to be the second Muslim to go to the moon, after Neil Armstrong. Fawad Chaudhry, Pakistan’s Federal Minister for Science and Technology, is looking forward to hearing the Azaan on the Moon. After announcing his recent travel […]

May 6, 2019

Faisal Vadwa Stood Outside A Petrol Station To Protect It From “Ridiculous People Protesting Insane Oil Price Hikes”

Part time minister and part time showman Faisal Vawda unexpectedly called the media on Sunday morning to announce he will be standing guard outside a local PSO pump. “I love Pakistan, and I love these price hikes,” stated Faisal Vawda while talking to the media. He said there are elements who are against this hike […]

May 3, 2019

DG ISPR Asim Ghafoor Specially Calls All Media Outlets to Thank Them For Being “So Understanding” On Press Freedom Day

DG ISPR Asim Ghafoor called on the major news publications today to thank them for being “So Understanding” in these times of crisis, shared the DG ISPR via twitter. While talking to media later, Asim Ghafoor said, Pakistan has one of the top freedoms guaranteed to journalists. Period. There were no counters. “Rather than calling […]

May 2, 2019

Lahore High Court Rules Ali Zafar’s Tears To Be ‘Very Real’

Last week in an interview with Shahzaib Khanzada, Ali Zafar, who wants everyone to know he has worked with ‘beautiful Bollywood actress’, got very emotional when the issue of his alleged inappropriate behaviour with women was brought up. Ali Zafar promptly started crying on national television. The internet at large wasn’t buying it. Memes and […]

Lahori Socialite
April 16, 2019

Lahori Socialite Couple Heartbroken After Failing To Find A Picture With Notre Dame

On Monday evening, a structure older than all your grannies and grandpas combined caught fire while the super expensive 163 million dollar renovations were taking place! Yikes. The building was none other than Notre-Dame: an iconic symbol of art, culture and religion in Paris. Since the fire, there has been an enormous out pouring of […]

ISPR
April 12, 2019

Army Announces 5 New DHAs To Demonstrate Operational Preparedness

With the upward revision in the threat level posed by India on the back of intelligence reports of another attack being planned against Pakistan, the Army has announced the construction of five new DHAs in a show of military might and operational preparedness. The announcement was made in a televised press conference by the DG […]

Albert Einstein
January 10, 2019

Indian Scientists Want Gravitational Waves to be Renamed as ‘Narendra Modi Waves’

How do you imagine the proceedings of science summits to take place? You would probably visualize getting caught into realms of a progressive science world and familiarizing yourself with the new technological advancements and scientific research backed up by laboratory evidence and scientific theories. However, this year in bizarre turn of events, 106th Indian Science […]

Poke Face
January 1, 2019

Man Wakes up to Exact Same Shitty Self in 2019

Suleman woke up at 8 am to the usual loud bell by ‘Baji Rakshanda’, the house maid. As Suleman cursed the maid and gasped his first yawn, something dawned on him: it was 2019! A new year, or as some might say: the dawn of a new year. But Suleman didn’t feel any different. This […]

November 2, 2018

Pakistan agrees to bend over backwards once a year

As a group of men armed with wooden sticks (and one sword) fight for their right to create chaos and bring the country to a stand still, the government has decided to send a strong message, assigning a 4 man negotiation team headed by the religious minister this morning. After a gruelling session of negotiations […]

October 6, 2018

CJP Advises Schools To Start Teaching Dam Building Skills To Kids

While Malik Riaz deliberates over paying a PKR 1 billion fine or otherwise building an entire dam complete with a mall, green valley and mosque, our CJP has made an equally ambitious statement. Breaking headlines this Saturday, Justice Saqib a.k.a Maula Judge called on all schools to include ‘Dam Building 101’ in the curriculum. The […]

September 22, 2018

Cigarettes and Satire

This is a Public Message: Beware of the ‘sexist carcinogens’ trying to invade our Islamic society and threaten our Pakistani culture! In an act of brave defiance against this new force of evil NUST has taken the first step and tried to save its student body from the vile clutches of this new enemy! We […]

September 7, 2018

Breaking News: PM Imran Khan Has Been Rushed to PIMS Hospital

In the wee hours of the morning, Prime Minister Imran Khan was rushed to the nearest hospital via a helicopter. Rest assured, Fawad Chaurdhary – a man known to stick to his word through thick and thin – has released a statement to the media that this form of transportation was indeed the most economical way.  The incident […]

August 16, 2018

Two Friends Allegedly Spent a Whole Evening Without Discussing Politics

Lahore: On Thursday night, when Shaani called Maani, two residents and friends from Old Lahore, they decided to go out and have dinner. As always both friends expected dinner to end with a discussion on Imran Khan and well, rest of Pakistan. Shaani and Maani both do not see eye to eye when it comes […]

August 13, 2018

Imran Khan Urges the Nation to Throw Away Purani Jhandiyan in Naya Pakistan

As Khan gears up to take the oath of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, he has called on his party and the nation to throw away ‘Purani Jhandiyan’ and buy new ones with better graphics and style. According to inside sources, Khan and the party want to make sure this Independence Day will be known […]

August 12, 2018

African Muslims Unite for More Stereotypical Representation by Racists and Bigots

New York: Islamophobia never really finished, but in the words of Kumail Nanjani “it’s really having a moment right now”. While people are protesting and fighting the racists left, right and center, there is a certain group of people who feel they lack representation in people’s hate. Yes, you heard that right!! A group of […]

August 1, 2018

Imran Khan Decides to Take Hamza Ali Abassi Along on His First International Tour

While Imran Khan is yet to be officially sworn in as Prime Minister of Pakistan, the rumours coming out of Party (G)HQ are that Khan is thinking of taking Hamza Ali Abassi with him on his first international tour instead of his wife, Bushra Maneka a.k.a Pinki Parni. Naeem-Ul-Haq, who in recent times is best […]

July 31, 2018

Pindi Boyz Not Allowed in Centaurus, Even in Naya Pakistan

While many rejoiced over Imran Khan’s victory as Pakistan’s new PM, the celebrations halted for some.  Thursday morning, when the youngsters and bikers of Pindi also known as “Pindi Boyz” woke up, they were happy to see to a Naya Pakistan. But their happiness was short lived. Just like Obreyn Martell from Game of Thrones, when […]

July 8, 2018

A Day in the Life of a PTI Supporter

It is the third day following the Avenfield verdict. Imran Khan and his fans are riding an endless endorphin high. A strange aura of unreality interspersed with vibrating jubilance permeates the air. It is Sunday, and families prepare for a relaxing, food-filled day. But today PTI supporters do not care about the sanctity of the […]

July 2, 2018

Mr. Sheikh Escapes The Authorities Again

Last Sunday, Sheikh Rasheed pulled off another stunt in Lal Haveli The Awaami Muslim League party president, also known as the party that is always running with the tide, was seen wheeling his way through the Lal Haveli during a PTI jalsa to keep the audience entertained. Inside sources have told ProperGaanda that the wheelie was […]

May 26, 2018

Pharmaceutical Reps Call It Quits When Fair&Lovely Launches Whitening Multivitamin

Pharmaceutical agencies nationwide faced a sticky situation today as representatives staged a walk-out at the annual board meeting. This was in response to Fair&Lovely’s new reveal: multivitamin capsules for skin whitening. An insider source told ProperGaanda that an enraged employee promptly resigned after stating the following: “Is this what our unhealthy obsession with fairer complexions […]

April 22, 2018

Chief Justice Confuses Pashtun March for a Traffic Jam

Last Saturday, the Chief Justice, while being chauffeured to the supreme court in his people’s mobile – a bullet proof Mercedes – was held up due to the road block caused by the Pashtun March. The people in the demonstration were chanting slogans for missing persons and ill-treatment of this significant yet disfranchised minority group. […]

April 21, 2018

The latest addition to PPC promises to revolutionize Pakistan’s justice system

In a rare display of bipartisan support for legislation, the Parliament has voted to amend the Pakistan Penal Code (PPC) to add a new defense for criminal and civil charges, which will appear alongside the insanity defense in the statute book. Speaking at a press conference after the session, Nation Assembly Speaker Ayaz Sadiq clarified […]

April 11, 2018

Satire: Amir Liaqat claims to be a reformed person after a 1 week stint at a spiritual retreat

Former member of the National Assembly, MQM leader, TV anchor and current member of the Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaaf opened up about his one week stint at a spiritual retreat in an exclusive interview with ProperGaanda. ‘Ever since joining the PTI, I have been feeling adrift,’ says Liaqat ‘Imran finally suggested that I go to the spiritual […]

April 5, 2018

Fabric Tina – a Journey from the Cotton Fields to the Wedding Stage

Like an older, wiser desi aunty, she observed objectively. “Hmmm. handsome boy. Bit flustered but composed. He’ll be a good groom.” She thought to herself from the vantage point of a few feet above the young man who had just entered. “Bit pudgy, but more baby-fat than over-indulgence.” She was heavy-set with the weight of […]

April 2, 2018

Amir Liaquat joins PTI: A New Saga

March 19, 2018, the political world was in uproar as Amir Liaquat joined PTI. No. This is not fake news. Even though most of us wish it was. But Imran warmly welcomed Amir into his party like a long lost brother. #NewProfilePic with my #Leader @ImranKhanPTI pic.twitter.com/gO1ypPS92J — Aamir Liaquat Husain (@AamirLiaquat) March 19, 2018 […]

March 27, 2018

Satire: Local psychic predicts dire outcome of Pakistan’s alliance with China

Citizens have been in a frenzy ever since local psychic, Tania, predicted that the future looks very bleak for Pakistan in 2075. In an exclusive interview with ProperGaanda, Tania stated that the fault lies with CPEC and Pakistan’s growing relationship with China. Tania stated, “Cheap traditional Chinese medicine and advanced surveillance techniques will corrupt our […]

March 20, 2018

‘Banana ko kyun nikala?’: Nawaz Sharif VS. the Supreme Court

…and the saga continues! After being ousted a few weeks ago, former Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif is once again in the midst of another controversy. This time it’s a battle of fruits. The honorable Supreme Court in a recent verdict declared that the Banana, presented as evidence by the defense, is not a fruit. The […]

Cat & women
March 6, 2018

Singlewomanitis- The Latest Epidemic to Hit Pakistan Other Than Dengue

Overview Up there with Dengue and intense PMS, Singlewomanitis is an illness no Pakistani parent wants their daughter to suffer from. The Mad Cow of the human world, Singlewomanitis can range from mild to severe. Singlewomanitis is usually temporary and nothing to worry about in most cultures around the world, though it is a cause […]

Chief Justice of Pakistan
February 27, 2018

Chief Justice Seeks Clarification from Dawn on Misreporting of His Coat’s Brand

The Chief Justice of Pakistan, Mian Saqib Nisar held a press conference today, asking for Dawn’s clarification on misreporting his coat’s brand. The clarification the Chief Justice demands is of a news report in Dawn where it was quoted: “Chief Justice on his visit to an Army museum wore a branded Armani overcoat”. The CJP […]

February 20, 2018

Nawaz Sharif Fakes a Limp to Get Sympathy Votes

Last week, Ex-prime Minister, Mr. Nawaz Sharif addressed party members and workers at Gaddafi Stadium in Lahore. As he approached the stage a stick could be seen in his hand while he walked with a limp. In his address, he said that the limp was the result of a conspiracy by Imran Khan and the PCO […]

February 13, 2018

Local Debater Can’t Argue for Shit With His Parents

A local debater from Defence Housing Authority recently confessed to a biting truth – He hasn’t won a single argument with his parent since the day he was conceived. Ali Aslam apart from having two of the most common names in the country is also a renowned debater. He has attended every debating competition and […]

January 27, 2018

Kim and Kanye Just Visited Pakistan and Everyone Went Crazy!

More than a week ago, Kim Kardashian West visited Pakistan with her rapper husband, Kanye West. They had been planning to go to some exotic land for a couple’s retreat but couldn’t decide the destination. Any place that would garner maximum international attention for the brand was welcome on their list of potential places to […]

Quarantine
January 2, 2018

Deadly outbreak of MANSA Virus threatens city

NEWS ALERT: A city wide quarantine has been put into effect after a dangerous virus was accidentally released by an NGO that was operating underground- without the government’s blessing. The virus has been spreading like wildfire ever since it’s outbreak. The cavalry has been called in, to set a strict perimeter around the city with containers […]

Rashid Rana Artwork
December 26, 2017

The Bridal Brigade

News Alert: The government has announced that it will release the Bridal Brigade Task Force (BBTF) in case negotiations with the protestors holding Liberty Bazaar captive go south. To learn more about the story keep reading below. Two days ago, a bride-to-be called for a sit-in at Liberty Bazaar due to the ever increasing prices […]

December 12, 2017

Satire: Hostage situation at Bedian Road Escalates

Breaking News: Bride holds bridesmaids and groom hostage at farmhouse on Bedian Road Our correspondent in Lahore has confirmed news of a bride, Sundas Khaplu, holding her bridesmaids hostage at her farmhouse on Bedian Road. What started out as a dance practise has ended up in a tense hostage situation that the police are currently trying […]

Kitchen Talk
December 5, 2017

Kitchen Talk: Tawa Jee and Frypan Bibi

The following is a conversation that took place between ‘Tawa Jee’ and ‘Frypan Bibi’ in Pinky baby’s kitchen which resulted in their fallout. Tawa Jee: ‘Frypan Bibi, you must be extremely exhausted from all the samosas and kebabs you have been frying these days.’ Frypan Bibi: ‘Oh bhai jaan, its shaadi season. All the aunties […]

December 4, 2017

Man refuses to tell children about the end of load-shedding

While many rejoiced over the news of load-shedding finishing, a local man in Lahore wasn’t all that happy. He supposedly is one of many to have requested Pemra to disallow the news to be delivered so openly. Their objection is simple: “BIJLI KAI PAISAY TUMHARA BAAP DAI GA” (Will your father give money for the […]

December 1, 2017

Breaking News:TLYRA starts another protest after a new born fails to confirm the finality of the Prophet

Yesterday, the TLYRA started a protest outside a local hospital in Lahore, demanding the Health Minister’s resignation. The protestors emerged after a news release about a new born failed to confirm the finality of Prophet (P.B.U.H). The eye witness, a heroin addict who was visiting the hospital last night due to a drug overdose, verified […]

Illustration by Saba Nazir
November 26, 2017

An excerpt from Nawaz Sharif’s Diary

Dear Dairy, It’s been xyz days since I was stripped of my Prime Minister title. I’m no more the Premier, but a man who watches movie premiers from time to time. Unfortunately, I don’t get invited to many of those either. Khaqan is the new kid on the block, he flies air force jets and […]

Imran for P.M
November 9, 2017

Imran Khan asks his party workers to call him Prime Minister

Last night in a high-profile meeting at Bani Gala, Imran Khan, the supreme leader of Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf asked his party workers to address him as “Prime Minster”. Imran khan arrived at the decision supposedly after he was seen quarrelling with his dog. The Captain stated that he eventually persuaded his dog that he is indeed […]

October 30, 2017

Man Causes Mayhem When He Refuses to Snapchat Footage of Accident

In an unforeseeable turn of events, a local lahori, Salman Hambal refused to snapchat footage of an accident in DHA phase 27. Passersby were outright enraged by this non-chivalrous display. Police Officer, Inspector Saab, had to step in to prevent a clash from taking place. Hambal #brokethenews when he stated in an interview, “I would rather stop and […]

October 27, 2017

A nurse from Vihari accuses doctor of harassment, gets fired herself instead.

Sharmeen Obaid’s latest tweets resulted in a doctor from Karachi’s prestigious hospital getting fired. This incident took the Pakistani cyber-space by surprise and also started a chain of awkward “hmmm okay” reactions. A young nurse from Vehari who on the rare occasion uses her brother’s phone to access the internet found out about the incident. […]

September 26, 2017

A Writer Goes into Depression After Not Being Able to Find the 9th Point for Her Listicle!

A Lahore based writer has gone into depression because she couldn’t find the 9th point for her listicle.  The incident happened when she was completing her listicle “9 things the colour of your poop can tell you about your personality”. The writer writes for a famous right-wing digital publication “NA PARHO”. According to our sources, […]

September 23, 2017

World Leaders Scramble to Deal With Aftermath of Mahira Khan’s Soota Break in New York

There is talk of a second Cold War. The US is not worried about Houston anymore; we are hearing news of a special conference being held at the Oval Office right this hour. The all-important decision of whether we should defend Mahira Khan or surrender her to rabid Pakistani mobs foaming at the mouth rests […]

August 24, 2017

Bilawal Gets Permission From His Father To Attend His Friend’s Birthday Party

Speaking to journalists at a press conference outside Larkana, Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) chairman, Bilawal Bhutto announced that after long and protracted negotiations with Asif Ali Zardari he had received permission to attend his childhood friend’s birthday party in Lahore. “The party has decided that I can travel to Punjab and has also given me […]

August 2, 2017

A Rich Man’s Dog

Hi, I’m Tommy. You know, “Tommy”. From “Humara kuta Kuta, aur tumhara kuta Tommy”. I am what every dog dreams to be – I am a rich man’s dog. I am not like you regular dogs; I wake up in the morning and have a person serve me some dark brown capsules which look like […]

August 2, 2017

The Anatomy of a Government Officer

It all starts from the shoes. It has to. They have been run ragged, scampering from floor to floor, pressed under the burden of massive, rotting, fly-stained files. Each time the wearer presents a new case to his superior with a, “Submitted for kind perusal, please.”, the soles cave in on themselves a little more. […]

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